Happy Birthday Addison!!!

I don't think that I will be able to blog tomorrow on Addison's birthday so I want to wish her a Happy Birthday now!! My baby will be 4 tomorrow, June 30th. I can't believe that it has already been four years. We had a Hello Kitty birthday party at the pool on Saturday and had a really good time. As much as I wish that she were still a baby, I am so glad to see the terrible threes go!! I hope four is a breath of fresh air!! Happy birthday Addison Delaney, we love you!

Behavior Therapy and a really bad day!

Today, Drake had his first session with the behavior therapist. I am really glad that I have taken the time to research the subject or I might have been disappointed to day. This session was more about setting everything up and about telling Drake what he would be doing. I noticed that this afternoon Drake started having tics more frequently and by the time we got to the therapist, they were pretty noticeable. He did say that we shouldn't acknowledge or try to make him stop them, that it could cause more tics and that they could become severe. I have a lot more information to read and we start weekly sessions in about two weeks. While I am glad that we are getting started with the therapy, the more times we go to a doctor and the more times we see compulsions and tics the more overwhelming it all becomes. I think I am just now coming out of the denial. I have been researching and reading but it was almost like it was for a child that wasn't mine. I am also struggling with what these breakdowns are doing to my daughter and how he is demanding so much of my time. I also learned today that I am not helping by the reassuring him or trying to make it go away as fast as possible. I am actually becoming part of the OCD, we will address that in coming weeks. We have a lot to tackle in the months to come and I don't know how I feel about that!!

Junior Golf Clinic

This has been an awesome week for Drake and our family. He has been going to the driving range with his dad and sister and began to show an interest. We found out a while ago about this golf clinic that started this week and decided to try it out. Drake has been so excited and the golf pro says that he has a natural swing and listens to instruction. I took him today and got to watch him hit some golf balls. He really enjoys himself and I think that it really helps him cope with some stuff right now. I think that it is a good way to relieve some of the frustration. We bought him a glove today and he kept it on all day.
Over the past few weeks he has had a hard time at home and seems to really have a need to stay busy and out of his head! Today he went outside five different times to practice and we had a peaceful afternoon for the first time in a long time. I think that this golf clinic has meant more to him and us than anyone will ever know.

Bad Days and Breakdowns

We are having a really tough time now with Drake. What is even harder is my daughter Addison just sits quietly and watches as he melts down day after day. I don't think that he had these kinds of meltdowns in his terrible threes. I get very frustrated and then guilty because he is doing all he can do to get through the day. We are about to start cognitive behavior therapy and I hope that we can learn some ways to handle these meltdowns. On the surface, he looks like a bratty little kid who throws himself in the floor when he doesn't get his way. But in reality, he is struggling to keep himself busy so that he doesn't have to deal with the bad thoughts that constantly interrupt his day.

I feel so helpless right now. I can't stand watching my child suffer, why can't I help him? I called the doctor and she wants to add an anti-depressant to his meds but I am scared to do that. I am really confused right now.

Frustration!!

This has been one of the worst weeks we have had in a while. Drake has had one meltdown after another for over two weeks now! I spoke with his doctor at last appointment and we thought that a change of schedule maybe making things difficult for him. But, now I am starting to think that we may be experiencing side affects from the meds. It has been three months since he started them and I think that they may just be getting into his system. There have been numerous times in the past week that I have sat in the floor and just held Drake and let him cry. This is s breaking my heart and I want to know what to do to fix it. I think it also makes things harder for my daughter. She never really says or does anything in the midst of these breakdowns, but she sits quietly and watches him. It is also very hard to not get frustrated. Then with the frustration comes overwhelming guilt that I am frustrated with a child that cannot always help his actions. I realize afterwards that I am pissed at the OCD for doing this to my child. I am so ready for the cognitive behavior therapy to begin. I am also going to call the doctor first thing in the morning. Hopefully help will come soon!!!

Summertime

Drake's last day of school was last Thursday and now summer vacation begins! I always struggle this time of year with what is best for him. Last year my daughter went to daycare and he did not. He stayed with me on my day off and alternated between grandparents for the rest of the week. I really enjoyed the extra time spent with him because we don't usually have that opportunity. But this has been a different year. This past school year is when everything came to the surface. I realized yesterday on our first day off together that he really needs the structure and social interaction that he gets in school. He had quite a few meltdowns and couldn't seem to be happy with anything that we did. We were both so frustrated and exhausted that he went to bed really early and I spent the night regretting that I had fussed at him so often yesterday. This is another part of parenting a child with OCD/TS that is so hard. I am only human and can get frustrated at things I don't understand, yet I am also his Mother, the one that is supposed to nurture and protect and love. I feel very disappointed in myself after days like yesterday. I feel like a failure. The bottom line is I have to get him back into full time daycare.
The good news is that he will begin cognitive behavior therapy on July 13. I am really hopeful that this along with medication will make things easier for him. This is also bittersweet because I realize that it can be a long process and that even though Drake doesn't want to deal with his compulsions, they are all he knows and to fight that will be uncomfortable at best.

Ready for Summer!

This is the last week of school for my son!! I am so glad that this year is over. It started off as a difficult one, but the last half was much better! The hard thing about this time of year is that it comes with a change in schedule. Drake doesn't do well with change! He has a lot of meltdowns and is on edge quite a bit. But, things will calm down shortly. We are going back to the doctor tomorrow, he is very comfortable there and opens up. I am anxious to see what she thinks about all the meltdowns and defiant behavior lately. Sometimes it is hard to decipher between the OCD and being a little boy and testing his boundaries. There is still much to learn!!