December!

We have had such a busy month! Addison just started dance class as an early Christmas gift from her Nanny, thank you Nanny! I am so excited for her and she absolutely loves it. I am excited that she gets to have her own thing! Drake is having a bit of a difficult time this month, he has had quite a few meltdowns, He has been off his schedule since Thanksgiving and now we are gearing up for Christmas break. This is the one thing about OCD that is heartbreaking, any kind of change is hard for Drake, even good change. We noticed this very early with him, as early as a year old! He even said this morning that he didn't want to be out of school for Christmas! I just hope that we can do a lot of fun things with the kids and Drake will be ok, it will be tough but we are preparing now!

Here

We have been doing so well, but now we are back to square one!! We did have a great Thanksgiving and I am so thankful for the wonderful day that we spent with our families. Drake is doing good in school and Addison is doing pretty good overall too! I certainly can't complain! Drake was doing so well and out of nowhere, we have major meltdowns, aggression that is hard to control and I feel like the very minute we get comfy with this OCD crap, everything goes wierd again! He is doing well in therapy, but we are still very dependent on meds, which I am guessing is going to be a neverending cycle. I have accepted that this is what we have to deal with, but now I am mad at it! I guess it's the process. I don't want to write about it, read about it or talk about it!! So, right now we are back to being just here!

Proud Mama!

Drake just got his first report card of second grade! He got Bs and Cs. He asked me if I was mad that he had Cs! I know that he is working so hard on his OCD and class and homework and i am so proud of him!! He only had 2 Cs in language arts and reading, the rest were Bs!!! I told him that as long as he tried his best that I was proud of that! He looked so relieved, I hate that he spent the whole afternoon worrying that I may be mad about his grades! But, once he realized that he had achieved something, he looked so happy and that makes me happier than anything else! He is also doing very well with his therapy and on his medication!

Good Week!

First, let me say that Drake is doing ok these days. He is holding his own in school and with his OCD. We are learning how to deal with the meltdowns and they are less frequent. I am very proud of him. He also sang his first solo in church this past Sunday, on the very stage that I sang my first solo as a child. This was his idea and he wanted to do it without help(my dad played guitar for him) I was so very proud of him that I wanted to stand up and cheer and say "that's my baby!!!!" He was excited that people clapped for him and complimented him on his singing. As is typical with OCD, he is very hard on himself and tends to have a lower self-esteem. He thrives on compliments and achievements no matter how small. This was very big and he went right up there and sang with no fear! It really meant a lot to me and to him!
Tomorrow we take Addison to the hospital for more tests for her kidney reflux. She is having more and more infections and having to take antibiotics too often. The test is not too bad, but it's uncomfortable for her and scary and I absolutely hate it!! My husband also doesn't do well, he gets mad when he is scared or can't make something go away so I have to keep him calm and stay calm for Addison and it will be exhausting! We are going to do some fun things afterwards with her so hopefully it will be out of her mind quickly!

OK

Things are going pretty good right now, yippee!!! Drake got his first progress report of 2nd grade and he has pulled everything up!! He has 2 Bs and 2 Cs, I am so proud of him and the effort that he has made!! He is doing well in therapy, although it is slow going. Addison is doing well, although she has another kidney infection. I don't think I have mentioned it before but Addison, my four year old has kidney reflux. We have been watching and treating with antibiotics as needed and now she is getting an infection each month which is not a good sign!! We are in the process of scheduling another procedure which is not at all fun. They will insert a catheter (sp?)and dye and watch the flow to see where the reflux is. I am hopeful that we will have more options this time!! All in all everything is going well!!! That is a nice change!!

A Break

I had so much fun tonight and got a much needed break from the stresses of home and OCD/TS!! My mom and I had supper outside at Adam's Bistro, then we went shopping at the mall!! I really enjoyed this time alone with my mom and not having to rush home to take care of the kids(they went out for mexican food with their daddy and papa). Thanks Mom, I needed that!!!

Settling In

Drake is starting to settle in to 2nd grade. He had a good week last week and is doing much better without me taking him to school. I however am not settling in so well. I still have a hard time dealing and processing all of this. I look at him every day and I see him at his best and his worst and I don't know why this had to happen to him. I feel like it's punishment for something I did. Why is my beautiful son suffering so much, why is he tormented daily by this horrible disorder. Why can't he go one day without suffering? Why do I keep going to appointments expecting something different? Why in the hell do I have to be the strong one to pull it together and put on a happy face. I AM NOT HAPPY!!! THIS SUCKS!!! I WANT IT TO BE OVER, THIS HAS TO BE A HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO MEET WITH ANY MORE TEACHERS, I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANY MORE DOCTORS!! How am I going to get through this when things just seem to be getting worse and I don't know what to expect.

HELP!!!!

I am so frustrated right now!! I spent most of the summer worrying about Drake's teacher and starting his 504 plan, that's taken care of. Now he is not doing well academically at all in school. He is failing every test so far, he is not wanting to go to school, he is crying and clinging to me and they are having to peel him off of me. I emailed his teacher to see what we can do and I spoke with the guidance counselor this morning and she mentioned him being evaluated. He is behind in reading which seems to be most of the problem, and I can't seem to get him motivated to do anything!! I can deal with the 504, but I don't want to be pushed into anything else because he is very intelligent but OCD is really keeping him from doing what he needs to do. What do I do?????? I have to work full time of I would pull him out and home school him right away, but I don't know that I wouldn't be hurting him further!! There has got to be another solution.

I will never....

Drake is finishing his second week of school and things seem to be going pretty good. He is adjusting very well, almost too well. I keep waiting for the bottom to fall out! Addison is doing well in 4k too!! Things have been very nice at our house and I am beyond happy about it. I don't know how many times in my lifetime I have said I will never.... (especially about my kids). I am pretty opinionated so I can assure you it has been a lot. And since I became a mother I have choked on most of those things I swore to never do. The most recent one that I am choking on now is medicating a child. I am now learning the importance of some meds for Drake's disorder. He is now on 3 (yes, 3!) medications and for the first time in a very long time he is himself. He is doing well in school, he is playing well with others, he listens and obeys like a 7 year old boy and more importantly, he is content and happy!! I have watched him closely since he was born and I know his every facial expression, laugh and cry. I have seen him tormented by his OCD and anxiety and I have seen him cry for help too many times!! I have heard him beg, just let me go one day without my OCD! In the past few weeks, he hasn't had to do all the fighting. We also owe a lot of the credit to Cognitive Behavior Therapy. The very thing that we thought would alter his personality and take our fun little Drake away from us has given him and us hope. So why should I be so close-minded to medicine, if he had asthma I would be feeding him meds to breathe. OCD/TS is a complicated medical condition that requires therapy and/or medication and I am happily choking on those words I spoke a long time ago...

Back to School

Today was Drake's first day in second grade and Addison's first day in 4k! And they both did very well. Drake said that he really really likes his teacher, Mrs. Ellenburg. And Addison was excited that she finally got to get her pencil box out and use it.( I forbid her to touch it for the last month so it wouldn't disappear! She has a gift for losing things....and NOONE can find them again.) I cried all day long, which I didn't expect. I just wanted him to have a good day, and I wanted everyone to be nice to him and for him to not have to fight his OCD/TS for one day. I was relieved to see how happy he was when I picked him up. We also had a good night with homework and going to bed early, in fact he was the first one to go to sleep. Hopefully this is a good beginning to a good school year

School Time

Ok, so things are slowly calming down around the Yates household! Drake starts 2nd grade tomorrow and Addison starts 4 K- Yipee!!! I can't believe how quickly time has gone by since Jamey and I started our family a little over 7 years ago! I met with the administration and Drake's teacher on Thurs the 27th, and we put everything in place for his 504 plan. Everything went really good and I really like his teacher this year. I think that she really loves teaching and can get her point across at the same time. She asked a lot of questions and seemed to really want to know as much as possible before starting this year with Drake. He then met her that evening at open house and he likes her as much as I did. So far we haven't had a tough time this week and it is usually tough for Drake when he is about to go through some sort of change, either good or bad!! I think we are all ready for 2nd grade!!

Why?

I was just about to post about how things seem to be better!!So much for that! Drake had another meltdown tonight, although I must say that it wasn't as severe as the last one. He did try several times to hit me, and then made himself sick. I am meeting with the teacher in the morning. I can only hope that getting back into a schedule will help! I really don't know what to do now, other than just take it day by day. Usually I would have plenty to say, but I am speechless right now! I am trying to take all of this in and evaluate and see where we go from here!

Better??????

The last two days have been a little better. As you know, Drake had a major meltdown on Monday. Without going into details, he said and did things that I never thought he would say or do. Then, he went to sleep, he woke up the next morning a different child. It was as if some horrible monster had taken over our child and then left him alone all within an hours time. On Tuesday morning he was back to Drake. The hard part is, we weren't the same parents and Addison wasn't the same. We had witnessed a very dangerous crisis less than 12 hours prior and we were still in shock!! Addison has been through things in the past few months that will certainly affect her in the future. Jamey and I sat up the majority of the night crying and trying to rationalize a very irrational and volatile situation. We saw the doctor today and hopefully some things will get better from here on out, but I am aware that this is a very bumpy roller coaster and I wish someone would stop it and let me and my family get off!!!!!!!

Major Setback

Just when we thought that things were starting to get a little tolerable, the bottom falls out! Today was a very good day and everything seemed ok, until tonight! I won't go into great detail, but it was the scariest temper tantrum yet! I don't know what to do, there is no rational explanation. I am terrified of what may happen next! We were just at the therapist today and he really seemed to be making progress!!!! Do we only make progress to fall flat on our face? THIS IS TORTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tough Days

Drake has been having a hard time over the last few days, but we can still see improvement since all of this started. In December he was at the peak of his symptoms, begging for help and not eating and terrified to go to school! As I look back on those days, I am thankful to be where I am today. At the same time it is still a struggle and I don't know that this will get better soon. He is learning some new coping skills and he is able to talk about it now and I heard him say for the first time yesterday that he has OCD. My mom was talking to him and telling him that his cousin also has OCD, and he smiled! He called her and talked to her about it and said, " you know I have OCD too" It has really helped to see shows about ocd and to know someone with OCD, he doesn't feel all alone in this struggle. His tourettes seems to be getting worse. He has a new tic now (constant blinking) and his motor tic is showing up more and more. I am really anxious about the new school year for so many reasons! I am ready to get past these next couple of weeks and get him settled into 2nd grade and back in the routine that makes him comfortable! My baby girl, Addison also starts 4k in September!!! They are growing so fast, and I don't like it!

Little Progress

I wish I could say that we are making huge improvements in living with OCD/Ts, but that would not be true. We are making small steps, Drake is slowly learning to cope with the things that haunt him and we are learning how to help him daily. He still has this determination to go nonstop, but he is learning that some quiet time isn't all that bad either! I am looking forward to school starting and the routine, but I am also very nervous about how things are going to change! The thought of him struggling through school both academically and socially is heartbreaking to me, especially since he is so smart and so caring and fun to be around! So, I have scheduled meetings with school counselors and teachers and to try come up with a list of things that will make his time in the class easier for him and his teacher. I have hope that this year will be a good one!

Hoping for a Better Day!

First of all, on a good note, Drake pulled his first tooth last night!!! I picked him up from Daycare yesterday and he was so excited about having a loose tooth!! It was pretty loose and I told him that it would probably be out by the weekend. I guess this is where is OCD kicks in, he kept twisting and twisting until he pulled it himself around 8pm. This is a minor milestone, because Drake is terrified of blood or pain and he didn't even get upset!
And then there is today! I could tell when he woke up that he was a little on edge and upset that he was going to his golf lesson, which is not normal, he loves golf! After arriving and getting started, he did really enjoy himself and did a good job! I took him to daycare afterwards and about 30 minutes later they called, Drake was having a meltdown!! I must say that we are very early into the concept of talking back to OCD and he is getting the hang of it! After a few minutes he was feeling better. I know that we still have a lot of tough days ahead but I am really optimistic that we will have a little relief soon!

Breaking My Heart!!!

Okay, so why is it that everytime I think we are making progress and doing better we have major issues over and over!!! Drake is breaking my heart right now and I am so frustrated and at a loss for solutions that I am about to have a major breakdown myself!!! Lately, I can't come to my own house after a long day and relax! Drake wants to play wii, play outside, play with the neighbor, play soccer in the house, go, go, go!! It's not that this gets on my nerves but it's that when we tell him no, he freaks out and cries and throws a fit and yells and screams and tries his very best to talk us into it by constantly screaming please. I know that this sounds like a normal tantrum, but believe me when I say that it is not!! I understand that there is so much going on in his head and that he mentally and physically runs from the OCD all day, but what do Ido!!!! We have tried so much and I don't really know what to do!! I know that I am rambling, I am just so confused and having a hard day!!!

Proud of Myself!!

I said earlier that it is hard for me to let my kids go and do things with people other than my family. Well, tonight Addison went and played with a friend and Drake went to Vacation Bible School. I was supposed to pick Addison up before I took Drake and I thought we would hang out until he finished. This would have helped to pass the time and keep me occupied. Well, Addison's friend didn't get to pick her up until a little later and he mom wanted Addison to go bowling with them and hang out until Drake finished up and I could come and get her. Then, I had to walk Drake into the church that we go to and left him there!! This was horrible for me!! I had to fight every urge within me not to walk back in there and pick him up. But he had an awesome time and so did Addison. So, here I sit at ten minutes til eleven watching my babies sleep and thankful that they are back home with me. So, today I made baby steps but I can assure you that it won't be easier the next time and I will probably freak out again and again!!

A New Week

We have been back from the beach now for a little over a week and I think we are back to our normal, for this week anyways. We have now appointment and nothing to deal with right away! Addison has had a kidney infection this week (as a result of her kidney reflux, a condition that she was born with and hopefully will outgrow soon) It has only been a week since we altered Drake's meds, but so far it has been good. I have noticed that lowering the dose may be cutting down on the aggression and frustration. I think that it will take several weeks to be able to tell for sure. I am trying to now deal with my own anxiety over letting my children go do things without me or family. In the last week, I have let Drake go somewhere with a neighbor and I am letting Addison go and play with a friend from preschool. This is very hard for me to do and I hope it gets easier over time. Other than that, we are doing well. I still want to be back on vacation though!! Vacation from worry, OCD/TS, kidney reflux! I want to be on a beach with my husband and kids day after day!!

Day with Doctors

Today, Drake had an appointment with his behavior therapist and his psychiatrist, and a work in visit at the pediatrician for a fever and body aches that started yesterday. To say the least, it was both a good and bad day. The behavior therapist was first, and Drake was having some problems with the fact that he was going to go to the doctor. It was good that he was having this meltdown because the therapist saw first hand how he is dealing with his OCD. Drake is starting to get comfortable with his therapist so I am thankful for that. The next trip was to talk about his meds. I was relieved to find out that some of the behavior (restlessness, need to stay busy) was a side affect to his medication. So now we are lowering the dose and adding another med to knock the edge off of the aggravation, aggression. This was a huge relief! I told both doctors that we are barely functioning and I didn't know how we would make it through another week. In addition to his behavior, we are starting to notice that Addison gets really quiet and observes a lot of what is going on during the breakdowns. I think that the blessing in all of this is the fact that Jamey (my husband) is starting to acknowledge that Drake has OCD/TS. I learned in one of the books that I had to acknowledge the diagnosis first and then accept the diagnosis. I think I am just starting to accept and Jamey has made the big step of acknowledgement. I am sure that this is very hard to do for a father about his son. Now we are all making small steps to help Drake help himself and that is the most important thing.

Vacation!

We just got back from the beach and I must say it was a very good vacation. I had been looking forward to going on vacation for awhile, but at the same time, I was a little nervous about how well Drake would do. Overall we had a really good trip and Drake and Addison did very well. Drake only had one meltdown and unfortunately it was in front of about 1,000 people. I don't even remember the circumstances but remember him running through a crowd to get away from me because he was so angry with me. So, his daddy took him in another direction and Addison and I went shopping. We all came together for dinner and as soon as I sat down, Drake said, " Did I make you mad mommy?" I told him that he made me sad instead of mad, but that he is and always will be my son and I will love him no matter what, he grinned and all was better! We go back to both doctors next week and I am really ready to talk to them about some serious changes and what we need to do. We are doing pretty well at holding our own, but I am really concerned at how this will all affect Addison, my youngest child. She has seen more than her fair share of meltdowns and she sits and watches as he struggles. She does nothing but observe quietly. I am not sure that this is normal for a young child. I also feel that I am not giving her everything she needs and how this will affect her in the long run!
But, I am very proud to say that we made it through vacation, a total change of schedule, 10 hours in the car and long lines to do everything and I think everyone had a good time. Let me also say that this was the first time that both mine and my husbands family went along on a vacation and it went very smoothly! We really enjoyed it and I know that my kids loved having both sets of grandparents there to play.

The last part of this week has gone much better!! Drake had his first one on one golf lesson and it went well. He is still very excited about golf and he loved his lesson. We are so thankful to have this opportunity. He had a really bad episode today that made him physically sick and he wanted to hit some golf balls to help him feel better!!! We are now in the process of packing for the beach, I am so ready to have a vacation, we all need it so badly. When we come back, I am really wanting to start something new. I am really enjoying blogging about our experience with OCD. I have been doing some research and keep seeing that there is a need for support groups for families of children with OCD. There isn't one in Greenville, SC. I am really thinking and praying about what I can do to change that. I would like to have a support group not only for the families, but also for the children with OCD. I would love for my son to meet other children with OCD/TS, and realize that he is not alone and that there is someone else out there that has the same thoughts as him. Any information would be greatly appreciated! Well, I am off to pack

What a week!

It is only Wednesday and it seems like the longest week. Drake is having a better week and I am so glad! He had his first session with the behavior therapist on Monday and we have set up appointments through the end of August. I think that we are really going to benefit as a family from this therapy. Drake has a golf lesson tomorrow and he is still very excited about going to work with Mr. Allen. He was a little disappointed that his shoes haven't arrived yet, but hopefully they will be in soon. He was even practicing his swing tonight in preparation for his lesson, it was so cute! We are leaving for the beach on Monday and I am really looking forward to getting out of here for awhile. Addison had a great birthday, I can't believe that my baby is now 4! I don't know where the time has gone since we started our family seven years ago!

Happy Birthday Addison!!!

I don't think that I will be able to blog tomorrow on Addison's birthday so I want to wish her a Happy Birthday now!! My baby will be 4 tomorrow, June 30th. I can't believe that it has already been four years. We had a Hello Kitty birthday party at the pool on Saturday and had a really good time. As much as I wish that she were still a baby, I am so glad to see the terrible threes go!! I hope four is a breath of fresh air!! Happy birthday Addison Delaney, we love you!

Behavior Therapy and a really bad day!

Today, Drake had his first session with the behavior therapist. I am really glad that I have taken the time to research the subject or I might have been disappointed to day. This session was more about setting everything up and about telling Drake what he would be doing. I noticed that this afternoon Drake started having tics more frequently and by the time we got to the therapist, they were pretty noticeable. He did say that we shouldn't acknowledge or try to make him stop them, that it could cause more tics and that they could become severe. I have a lot more information to read and we start weekly sessions in about two weeks. While I am glad that we are getting started with the therapy, the more times we go to a doctor and the more times we see compulsions and tics the more overwhelming it all becomes. I think I am just now coming out of the denial. I have been researching and reading but it was almost like it was for a child that wasn't mine. I am also struggling with what these breakdowns are doing to my daughter and how he is demanding so much of my time. I also learned today that I am not helping by the reassuring him or trying to make it go away as fast as possible. I am actually becoming part of the OCD, we will address that in coming weeks. We have a lot to tackle in the months to come and I don't know how I feel about that!!

Junior Golf Clinic

This has been an awesome week for Drake and our family. He has been going to the driving range with his dad and sister and began to show an interest. We found out a while ago about this golf clinic that started this week and decided to try it out. Drake has been so excited and the golf pro says that he has a natural swing and listens to instruction. I took him today and got to watch him hit some golf balls. He really enjoys himself and I think that it really helps him cope with some stuff right now. I think that it is a good way to relieve some of the frustration. We bought him a glove today and he kept it on all day.
Over the past few weeks he has had a hard time at home and seems to really have a need to stay busy and out of his head! Today he went outside five different times to practice and we had a peaceful afternoon for the first time in a long time. I think that this golf clinic has meant more to him and us than anyone will ever know.

Bad Days and Breakdowns

We are having a really tough time now with Drake. What is even harder is my daughter Addison just sits quietly and watches as he melts down day after day. I don't think that he had these kinds of meltdowns in his terrible threes. I get very frustrated and then guilty because he is doing all he can do to get through the day. We are about to start cognitive behavior therapy and I hope that we can learn some ways to handle these meltdowns. On the surface, he looks like a bratty little kid who throws himself in the floor when he doesn't get his way. But in reality, he is struggling to keep himself busy so that he doesn't have to deal with the bad thoughts that constantly interrupt his day.

I feel so helpless right now. I can't stand watching my child suffer, why can't I help him? I called the doctor and she wants to add an anti-depressant to his meds but I am scared to do that. I am really confused right now.

Frustration!!

This has been one of the worst weeks we have had in a while. Drake has had one meltdown after another for over two weeks now! I spoke with his doctor at last appointment and we thought that a change of schedule maybe making things difficult for him. But, now I am starting to think that we may be experiencing side affects from the meds. It has been three months since he started them and I think that they may just be getting into his system. There have been numerous times in the past week that I have sat in the floor and just held Drake and let him cry. This is s breaking my heart and I want to know what to do to fix it. I think it also makes things harder for my daughter. She never really says or does anything in the midst of these breakdowns, but she sits quietly and watches him. It is also very hard to not get frustrated. Then with the frustration comes overwhelming guilt that I am frustrated with a child that cannot always help his actions. I realize afterwards that I am pissed at the OCD for doing this to my child. I am so ready for the cognitive behavior therapy to begin. I am also going to call the doctor first thing in the morning. Hopefully help will come soon!!!

Summertime

Drake's last day of school was last Thursday and now summer vacation begins! I always struggle this time of year with what is best for him. Last year my daughter went to daycare and he did not. He stayed with me on my day off and alternated between grandparents for the rest of the week. I really enjoyed the extra time spent with him because we don't usually have that opportunity. But this has been a different year. This past school year is when everything came to the surface. I realized yesterday on our first day off together that he really needs the structure and social interaction that he gets in school. He had quite a few meltdowns and couldn't seem to be happy with anything that we did. We were both so frustrated and exhausted that he went to bed really early and I spent the night regretting that I had fussed at him so often yesterday. This is another part of parenting a child with OCD/TS that is so hard. I am only human and can get frustrated at things I don't understand, yet I am also his Mother, the one that is supposed to nurture and protect and love. I feel very disappointed in myself after days like yesterday. I feel like a failure. The bottom line is I have to get him back into full time daycare.
The good news is that he will begin cognitive behavior therapy on July 13. I am really hopeful that this along with medication will make things easier for him. This is also bittersweet because I realize that it can be a long process and that even though Drake doesn't want to deal with his compulsions, they are all he knows and to fight that will be uncomfortable at best.

Ready for Summer!

This is the last week of school for my son!! I am so glad that this year is over. It started off as a difficult one, but the last half was much better! The hard thing about this time of year is that it comes with a change in schedule. Drake doesn't do well with change! He has a lot of meltdowns and is on edge quite a bit. But, things will calm down shortly. We are going back to the doctor tomorrow, he is very comfortable there and opens up. I am anxious to see what she thinks about all the meltdowns and defiant behavior lately. Sometimes it is hard to decipher between the OCD and being a little boy and testing his boundaries. There is still much to learn!!

What a weekend!

On Friday my baby boy turned 7. Birthdays are bittersweet for me because I am excited about what adventure lies in the next year, but I spend the day and weeks surrounding thinking about the day they were born. I try to relive the whole thing over and over so I don't forget a single detail. Now in a little over a month, Addison will be 4. This is also bittersweet because my youngest child will go from a toddler to a preschooler.

We had the best weekend for Drake's birthday. On Friday, his actual birthday, we went to dinner and to see "Night at the Museum" and on saturday we tackled our first Spend the night party, we went to another birthday party for our friends children on Sunday and had their youngest spend the night and Drake stayed with them and their oldest. And, today we went to the mall and spend gift cards and played. As tired as I am, I really am dreading going back to work tomorrow I would love to continue this long weekend.

I want to also mention my husband, Jamey. Friday (Drake's birthday) was our 10 year anniversary! We have known each other since we were 14 years old. We have had our ups and downs but we love each other more every day. He is a wonderful father and husband and I am so blessed. After just a short 10 years, I am really glad that we fought through the first couple of years of our marriage to make it work. I really think that some people leave their marriages before they have a chance to work. Every day I grow in love with my husband. If I had walked away when it got tough, I would have missed out on all of this!!

Birthday Time

It is only two days until Drake's 7th birthday. I can't believe it has already been 7 years since he was born. Today he was very "uptight" he didn't really have a meltdown but he had a hard time being content. I am not sure if this is the meds or what. Since Drake was almost 2 years old this time of year is strange. It's like his body can tell that something is different, that he is about to have another birthday. I know this sounds strange but from the beginning of May until the end, he begins to change. His personality almost changes before our eyes. And then by the first of June everything calms back down. I am wondering if this is just being aggravated by the meds. I guess it can explain part of the OCD, he is very sensitive to change and doesn't know how to handle it, even when he knows that it is a good change.

Progress

Drake is going into his third month on medication for his OCD/TS and although there have been some unexpected things happen we have had an overall good experience. The medication is not a miracle cure, he still has OCD, he still has tics. But it has made these things more bearable for him and us. We learned after a couple of weeks on meds that there can be a burst in symptoms just when you thing things are getting better. Research shows that children at a very young age can tell that they are different and mask symptoms early. So once the doctor told Drake that he has OCD/TS he had a sense of relief. He had a name for what was bothering him and he knew he would have medicine for it. As a result, he became more comfortable with his compulsions and his tics. A week before his next checkup his symptoms became worse. But, now almost three months later, we are in good shape. I look forward now to beginning cognitive behavior therapy. I am also ready for school to be out so he can relax a little!

The Beginning

Let me start by saying that I feel really blessed to be Drake and Addison's mom. As Mother's Day approaches, I am first of all thankful for my own Mom and the strong support and influence she has been in my life. But as a Mom myself I feel more honored to be a Mommy to my two beautiful children. With so many bad things going on all around me, I am surrounded by the unconditional love of my children and that makes life worth living. Now on to my reason for blogging. It has only been 6 weeks since my son was diagnosed with OCD/TS. Since Drake was around two years old, we noticed that he seemed to have a high level of anxiety and frustration but we also noticed that he was a very active little boy. My husband has ADD so we were very aware that he might have the same but noticed that he didn't really have all of the symptoms. When we went for his first conference in K5 his teacher said that he doesn't stay in his seat, he doesn't complete his work, but he is very bright. We told her that we would monitor the situation and do everything we could at home. At his six year old checkup his doctor saw the level of anxiety firsthand and thought that anxiety/panic disorder was more fitting. And that could explain the lack of focus. She thought it best to monitor and not to seek further help until it became a problem with day to day life. Well that happened in December 2008. Things seemed to fall apart all at once. He didn't want to sleep, he didn't want to eat because he would be sick or have bad thoughts, he was terrified of going to school. I have never felt as helpless as I did at this time, I could see the terror in his eyes and he was begging to go to the doctor for help and we couldn't do anything about it.

We finally got in for an evaluation and he opened up to the doctor and told her things that he was going through and we had no idea. A lot of the fear that drives his OCD is that something bad will happen to him or his family. The "OCD" tells him that he has to do certain things to keep us safe and he can't tell us about them because it will be too scary for us. It absolutely breaks my heart that he has carried this burden and didn't tell anyone until that day. We were shocked to say the least when the doctor told us what the diagnosis was. It has been a lot to process and a lot to research and so our journey begins.

My first blog

Wow, I never thought I would be writing my own blog. I am really excited. I am starting this blog because I am still processing the diagnosis that my son has and hoping that someone out there is going through the same process. I would love to hear from anyone and everyone who is affected with this process. My son has been diagnosed with OCD and Tourettes Syndrome. He is a very active, lovable seven year old that has been tormented by the thoughts or "movies" as he calls it that are constantly in his head. The TS is a mild case with 3 vocal tics and only 1 motor tic that presents itself under prolonged stress. There is so much to write about and I hope that this will help my family as well as others. I do also have a daughter that will be 4 in June. I need to figure out how to devote myself to helping him as much as possible and not have my daughter feel neglected. All this while working full time and having a relationship with my husband! I look forward to this blog experience!