Settling In

Drake is starting to settle in to 2nd grade. He had a good week last week and is doing much better without me taking him to school. I however am not settling in so well. I still have a hard time dealing and processing all of this. I look at him every day and I see him at his best and his worst and I don't know why this had to happen to him. I feel like it's punishment for something I did. Why is my beautiful son suffering so much, why is he tormented daily by this horrible disorder. Why can't he go one day without suffering? Why do I keep going to appointments expecting something different? Why in the hell do I have to be the strong one to pull it together and put on a happy face. I AM NOT HAPPY!!! THIS SUCKS!!! I WANT IT TO BE OVER, THIS HAS TO BE A HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO MEET WITH ANY MORE TEACHERS, I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANY MORE DOCTORS!! How am I going to get through this when things just seem to be getting worse and I don't know what to expect.

HELP!!!!

I am so frustrated right now!! I spent most of the summer worrying about Drake's teacher and starting his 504 plan, that's taken care of. Now he is not doing well academically at all in school. He is failing every test so far, he is not wanting to go to school, he is crying and clinging to me and they are having to peel him off of me. I emailed his teacher to see what we can do and I spoke with the guidance counselor this morning and she mentioned him being evaluated. He is behind in reading which seems to be most of the problem, and I can't seem to get him motivated to do anything!! I can deal with the 504, but I don't want to be pushed into anything else because he is very intelligent but OCD is really keeping him from doing what he needs to do. What do I do?????? I have to work full time of I would pull him out and home school him right away, but I don't know that I wouldn't be hurting him further!! There has got to be another solution.

I will never....

Drake is finishing his second week of school and things seem to be going pretty good. He is adjusting very well, almost too well. I keep waiting for the bottom to fall out! Addison is doing well in 4k too!! Things have been very nice at our house and I am beyond happy about it. I don't know how many times in my lifetime I have said I will never.... (especially about my kids). I am pretty opinionated so I can assure you it has been a lot. And since I became a mother I have choked on most of those things I swore to never do. The most recent one that I am choking on now is medicating a child. I am now learning the importance of some meds for Drake's disorder. He is now on 3 (yes, 3!) medications and for the first time in a very long time he is himself. He is doing well in school, he is playing well with others, he listens and obeys like a 7 year old boy and more importantly, he is content and happy!! I have watched him closely since he was born and I know his every facial expression, laugh and cry. I have seen him tormented by his OCD and anxiety and I have seen him cry for help too many times!! I have heard him beg, just let me go one day without my OCD! In the past few weeks, he hasn't had to do all the fighting. We also owe a lot of the credit to Cognitive Behavior Therapy. The very thing that we thought would alter his personality and take our fun little Drake away from us has given him and us hope. So why should I be so close-minded to medicine, if he had asthma I would be feeding him meds to breathe. OCD/TS is a complicated medical condition that requires therapy and/or medication and I am happily choking on those words I spoke a long time ago...

Back to School

Today was Drake's first day in second grade and Addison's first day in 4k! And they both did very well. Drake said that he really really likes his teacher, Mrs. Ellenburg. And Addison was excited that she finally got to get her pencil box out and use it.( I forbid her to touch it for the last month so it wouldn't disappear! She has a gift for losing things....and NOONE can find them again.) I cried all day long, which I didn't expect. I just wanted him to have a good day, and I wanted everyone to be nice to him and for him to not have to fight his OCD/TS for one day. I was relieved to see how happy he was when I picked him up. We also had a good night with homework and going to bed early, in fact he was the first one to go to sleep. Hopefully this is a good beginning to a good school year